Friday, April 23, 2010

Would That Really be the Worst Thing in the World?

?I had a strange conversation with my 6 year old daughter today. I can't for the life of me decide if I am okay with how this conversation ended. It was just weird, especially when you consider that I NEVER had anything like this discussion with my own mother, ever.

I know my daughter has lofty plans. Last year, whenever you would ask her what she wanted to be when she grew up, her answer was always,"I want to be everything". More power to ya, babe. I have always told her that she can be anything she wants, so I really liked her attitude about it.

This year, she is adamant about wanting to be a veternarian when she grows up. For 6 months now, that answer hasn't wavered. She loves animals and she wants to help them and take care of them as her career. I think she would be a fabulous vet, and I will do anything I can to encourage this lofty goal.

Today she told me that she is never getting married or having children. This kind of struck me as odd, since she has also told me before that she someday wants to be a mom. I am now wondering what changed her mind. I asked her why she doesn't want to get married someday, and she replied, "because I want to be a veternarian instead." So,now I am wondering if I have something to do with this attitude change. Does she look at me and think that you can't have children or a husband and have a career? I always thought I was being self-sacrificing and noble by staying home to take care of her and her brother full time, but instead did I give her a skewed view of how life works? And, even worse, is she sensing and responding to the deep dissatisfaction I felt with my life? Has my frustration and sadness about not having a car for almost 18 months taught her that to be a wife and mother is to be trapped? Is she trying to avoid becoming me?

Then, I figure that she is only 6 years old, and her opinions and attitudes will change many many times in the coming years, and she will probably change her mind many times about how she sees her life turning out. After I go back to work, she will be seeing a very different version of me, and her opinions will probably change accordingly.

But then, I wonder, do I even want her attitudes to change? Am I really believing that marriage and children is the only path to happiness. Would my beautiful intelligent daughter be just as happy as a single career girl. I know for a fact that my heart would break if she grew up believing that only through a guys love and acceptance would she have validation, but here I am worrying that she might miss out on that very experience. What the heck is wrong with me???

Daughters are hard. Especially in this ever changing and complicated world. I wish I knew exactly the right thing to say in every situation, but I really don't. So, I am letting her have her opinions. If she has decided right now that she never wants to get married, then I am totally on board with that. Whatever makes her happy.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Okay, that was sort of embarrassing. . .

Last post I talked about my efforts to use 411 to find a phone number so that I could possibly pursue a business opportunity. I finally did find the number in the actual paper phone book, only to be thwarted by a busy signal. I proclaimed that I was not to be deterred. . .

I was deterred!

I, in fact, did completely misunderstand what the woman in question was talking with me about on the side of route 50. If I had ridden home with her in her truck, I would have found out that she was just making polite conversation with me while waiting for my friend to gas up the car. I called her today and had one of the most uncomfortable conversations of my life. She never planned on asking me to do anything, and the whole conversation came off like I was trying to ask her for a favor. Which I certainly was not. Luckily I have a small child, so I am never lacking for a good reason to make a quick exit from a phone conversation.

Now that I am off the phone and can put a little distance from my embarrassment, I find that something else is bothering me about the whole affair. I had always believed that things happen for a reason. People come into our lives for a reason also. The guy that I was briefly engaged to almost 10 years ago came into my life so that my brother could meet his sister and get married. And so on. I supposed that we ran out of gas the other day so I could renew my aquaintence with this woman and could be given this imaginary opportunity. Now I suppose that we just ran out of gas for no reason. And my friend is the last person to ever run out of gas on the highway, so I really figured that there was a greater force at work in my life. But maybe there really are just accidents. Maybe not everything has a reason and a purpose.

Something to ponder for the moment. . .

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Dial 1 for Absurdity!

I was just last night presented with a possible business opportunity that I may not be able to pass up. I have been thinking about it all night since I had the initial conversation on the side of Route 50 on Kent Island. (I would tell you why I was standing on the side of the highway, but I don't want to embarress the person who's truck accidentally ran out of gas. And no, it wasn't me) The woman who came to bring us a couple gallons of gas and rescue us from having to walk home started a converation with me that sounded a lot like she was pondering a business arrangement with me. I don't want to say too much right now, in case I misunderstood her, but it was very interesting and right in my wheelhouse.

Sadly, I didn't do the smart thing and ask to ride home with her and continue the conversation. I also didn't get her email address or phone number. All I got was her husbands name and her address.

I had planned on trying to get in touch with her early next week, but my curiousity and impatience got the absolute best of me and I decided to call her today and try to set up a lunch where we could talk. Getting up to get the phone book seemed like too much trouble, so I picked up the phone and dialed 411. I connected to Vonage 411 and the computer voice directed me to "press 1 for English". Well, I pressed 1, and the system HUNG UP ON ME! Not to be deterred, I tried again. This time, when I pressed 1 for English, I could hear the system click me over to another line and start ringing. I counted the rings, and 17 rings went by with no one picking up. WHAT IS THIS COUNTRY COMING TO??? Seriously? Vonage cannot find English speaking telephone operators on a Sunday?? Thank God I wasn't trying to dial 911 or anything. I would probably be dead by now!!!

Do you know what I ended up doing? I got up and found the trusty old phone book. Already written in English and guarrenteed never to give me attitude about it!! I quickly found the woman's number and dialed it.

Busy Signal!

No matter, I will not be deterred!