Thursday, July 15, 2010

Clicking with cliques. Hard, isn't it?

It is amazing how your life can change in only 24 hours. One moment you can be chilling in Mexico on winter vacation, and the next moment your husband can be detained at Immigration for an outstanding traffic warrant. And your whole life changes. One day you can have electricity, and the next day two checks can beat a deposit to the bank, and then "not so much". And your whole life changes. And one day you can have a certain attitude about life and friends, and then the next day have a whole different perspective on the process of making friends. Maybe your whole life doesn't change, but there is definitely a subtle shift in your attitude that can affect certain parts.

Yesterday I had every intention of writing a blog about the difficulties of making friends when you move to a brand new place at the advanced age of 35. I went over the various challenges that make it very hard to break into established cliques. There are the people who just don't like new people, the people with too many friends already who don't have time for new people, and the people for whom you just don't personally click with. I was going to show how there are strategies and techniques for overcoming these obstacles and developing a new social circle of you own. I had the blog already written and ready for editing and publishing. All I needed to do was click on the button that read "Publish Post" and I was all done.

But something stopped me.

I paused on the button and decided to save it until tomorrow. Tomorrow felt like a better day to post it. I felt like after a good night's sleep it would be a better time to post it. Thank God I stopped when I did. I went to sleep last night, and something strange happened when I awoke this morning: I no longer gave a crap.

Let me back up a little. Alli has been going to Art Camp all week at the Kent Island Federation of Arts. She is learning each morning this week how to draw realistic faces and portraits. There are about 8 or 10 kids in her camp. If she had done this a year ago, I would have used this opportunity to introduce myself to all the parents of all the kids enrolled. I would have started conversations with them about the weather, Route 50 traffic, area pools, and anything else I could think of. I would have complimented their clothes, cars, and generally made a pest of myself in an effort to establish my social circle.

But something weird happened over the past year. I made friends. True friends. Not many, but what they lack in numbers, they more then make up for in enthusiasm and humor. I now have a small number of people I can go to for entertainment and companionship. In the process, I think I have become one of those people listed in the top of this post: Someone who just doesn't have the time or energy for new people. Today, anyway.

There was a whole group of parents talking outside KIFA today waiting for their kids. I guess I could have joined the group and introduced myself, but frankly I was tired and hungry and just wanted to get my kid and get home. I had turned down two invitations for playdates already and I needed my daughter to clean her room today. I had absolutely no desire to meet anyone and talk about anything.

I now understand why when I first moved here it was so hard to meet people. Everyone else WASN'T new to the area, and they had their own lives they were leading already. And now I am at that same point. Which isn't to say that if I meet someone tomorrow who has just moved here I won't try to befriend them. It just ain't happening today. I've got too much to do.

So, if you have uprooted your entire life recently and are having a hard time making new friends, don't take it personally. I have a new understanding of people today, and sometimes we just aren't in the mood. But hang in there, because 24 hours can change a person's perspective on almost anything.

By the way, I will soon be posting pictures of the beautiful creations my daughter has created this week, so keep checking back. See ya!


  1. Great perspective! I am one of those people who rarely makes an effort to make new friends IRL. I need a push or a reason to step in. I have friends but they are all from work or some volunteer organization or someplace where we were forced to be together.

    Hope it gets easier being the new girl in town.

  2. I grew up a military brat. We moved fifteen times by the time I graduated from high school. Each time I was the new girl. Sometimes I moved to a place with lots of other military personnel, so the kids at school understood the moving, the newness, the fear. Sometimes, though, we moved to civilian places with very few military families. Those were the hardest. Those kid cliques can be really hard on shy little girls.

    Now, I just don't care. I have my family. Hubs is my best friend, so I am not lonely. Eventually, through church, PTO or some other activity, I make friends.

  3. I found you from Mom Loop Community,Thanks for sharing nice blog.

    if you have chance Please visit my blog at;

    Have a nice day.


  4. I too was the new mom six years ago. It gets better with time. Sadly though you have to pick through and find the ones really worth friending.