I have a plan. I am calling it the 'Working Toward Independence' plan. If I can make my plan work, then by this time next year I will be a whole new woman.
Let me start from the beginning. When my second child was born, I knew that I wouldn't be able to afford daycare for a toddler and an infant on a private school teacher's salary. I decided to stay home and raise the children while my husband became the sole breadwinner of the family. I thought it would be great, and to a point it has been. I have had time to volunteer at my daughter's school and chaperone field trips. I am able to keep my children home from school when they are sick without going twenty rounds with an angry boss threatening my job if I don't come in. In that respect, it has been a dream.
On the downside, we were no longer able to afford two cars. We became a one car family. And I cannot do it anymore. I have been late for doctor's appointments more times than I can count. I have had to rely on my best friend for rides to places. I cannot participate in any playdates with my mommy friends unless someone is willing to pick me up. (and you would think that they would be happy to, but apparently not) To say it has been challenging is an understatement. And the state of Maryland makes it almost impossible to actually own a car. There is insurance, tags, insurance, tags, and so on. And if your insurance lapses for any reason, then the state fines you and revokes your tags. So, in a nutshell, if you can't afford to pay your insurance, the state punishes you by making you pay more money. And removing your means for getting to your job to make more money. And I can't afford to buy and maintain a car unless I get a job, but I can't really get a job without a car. What the heck is that all about? Talk about a catch-22. A catch-22 seemingly devised to keep me at home in my kitchen.
And the lack of money has been a challenge too. There are so many thing I would like my children to do, which they cannot do because we don't have the money. Or a way to get there.
The final straw came this week. I actually got mad at my best friend and deleted her from my facebook account because I was so jealous that she gets to get out and see people anytime she wants. Luckily, she understood that my particular psychosis had nothing actually to do with her and more to do with my hatred for staring at the walls, and forgave me. Although she hasn't refriended me online yet. But I am sure she still loves me. I hope.
But I have a plan. I have a job interview on Friday with a tutoring company. I hope I get the job. Hopefully I will be able then to make payments on a small car and get my self out of this house occasionally. Have fun. Make some friends and actually see them from time to time. Wish me luck! God helps those who help themselves, and I am doing my best to do so.